Part One

Somewhere in the void between life & death, Helena Cain floated above her vacant body. She watched as Gina slipped out of her quarters. Her thoughts were unconscious & later she wouldn’t remember them. But she felt free, freer than she had in many years & her human guilt seemed to be washed clean…

In the moments before she woke, she was bathed in warmth. Her unconscious mind free from thought and as she surfaced struggling for breath, the air was strangely sterile. Her eye lids fluttered & when she tried to open her eyes the bright florescent lighting blinded her.

Suddenly memories began to bombard her brain & in the confines of the coffin like resurrection tub; she began to panic. Her eyes wouldn’t obey her commands & the last memory to enter her head was the moments before her death… The thick liquid sluiced around her, causing her body to slip & slide. Her breaths became staggered & exaggerated, then she heard it.

“Breathe Helena, just breathe through it, nice & deep. That’s it…”

Helena calmed her breathing slightly. At least she wasn’t alone, she felt a hand on her arm but didn’t recognise the voice. Slowly she opened her eyes, squinting at the bright lights above her, She felt more than one presence in the room & felt the eyes follow her every move. She blinked trying to clear the gunk from her eyes then raised an attentive hand to wipe them, only to discover she’d been restrained.

“What the frak?” Helena cursed. She looked up at the blonde beside her. “Why the frak am I restrained? And where the frak am I?” The unknown blonde smiled, taking her hand off Cain’s arm

“It’s all in God’s plan, Admiral,” a second voice announced smoothly, startling Cain and she glanced to see Caprica-Six step out of the shadows. Her arms were folded across her chest & her eyes were fixed on Helena’s in a cold glare that made the Admiral feel vulnerable in her naked, restrained state. She turned back to the blonde kneeling beside her, a quizzical expression consuming her face.

“Help me get out of here & we can both escape,” she whispered. The blonde laughed lightly, amused by Helena’s assumption.

“And why would she do that?” Caprica stated coldly, her icy glare still fixated on Cain.

“Oh give it a rest Caprica, can’t the interrogation wait? She only just downloaded!”

“Downloaded?” Cain choked,

Caprica smirked then said sardonically,
“Yes downloaded… Don’t you even know what you are? You’re a frakking Cylon, you
know like the one you had in your brig, that you brutally tortured”

“Caprica,” the blonde woman warned. Cain’s face was white, she wanted to speak; bite back at the Cylon that resembled Gina but her words were lost, stuck somewhere between her brain & her tongue. Caprica shot her a look of repulsion & then walked away.


“Don’t worry about Caprica, she will come round in time. After all it was your mission, nothing more & nothing less.”

But of course the blonde woman was wrong, there had been more, a lot more and that Helena knew; the one that resembled Gina also shared that secret. She must, otherwise why would she be so embittered. But one thing Helena was sure of, was the fact that she wasn’t a Cylon. This must be some kind of trick; Gina hadn’t killed her but kidnapped her & somehow brought her to this place. It was a mind game, all of it…

“We all feel confused & disorientated when we download, especially for the first time. The first time is always the hardest but as a Cylon you will get used to it, its part of our existence after all. We will help you through it Helena. You’re back with your own kind now.”

“I’m not a frakking Cylon! Why do you keep referring to me as one? I am Admiral Helena Cain; Commander of the Colonial Fleet. I‘m human, I have memories, I had parents, I remember my childhood, for frak‘s sake!”

“Merely part of your programming, nothing more,” the woman said with an air of triviality, as she began to undo Cain’s restraints.

“No…” Cain whispered hoarsely, her mouth suddenly going dry.

“You know, its true. Deep down you know it’s the truth, I know its hard to grasp right now but in time you will come to accept it,” the blonde woman said as she helped Helena out of the tub & into a bathrobe…

****

Part Two

The sun rose silently over the caprican mountains, turning the sky a pale golden yellow and illuminating what was left of the tree lined horizon. For two months now, she had held the same routine. Ever since she’d been brought down to this Gods forsaken place. But it was a routine she was familiar with and one she held before, so why stop now? Instead of stars, now she watched the sun rise. Every morning before dawn, Helena Cain would rise, run for three or four miles, shower and then stand and watch the sun begin to peep over the mountains, on the balcony of the apartment she had been occupying. It was the silence that got to her most, no birds singing their morning song. No people or cars starting their day. Nothing but the odd centurion patrolling this lifeless city.

By day she had been observing the ‘human’ Cylons. The blonde woman, Three or D’anna as she was sometimes called had been bothersome to say the least, trying to ‘help’ Helena accept her true path, her Cylon heritage. Phrases like ‘God’s Plan’ and ‘Destiny’ had become old, real fast. But Helena refused to believe, she’d given up protesting however but hadn’t stopped believing. If she could just bide enough time, play along a little, then she could work out how to get off this rock and retake command of the Colonial Fleet.

Helena was aware of the one that resembled Gina, or Caprica as she was so fondly named. The ones that weren’t just regular copies, the ‘special’ ones had names. The ones that had been chosen to carry out one of God’s mission; D’anna, Caprica, Sharon & Aaron to name a few. She watched them all with just as much distain as Caprica watched her. Both waiting, wondering when the other would make a move.


Sometimes Helena couldn’t help but think of Gina as she watched Caprica. Think of a time before Gina was discovered, sometimes her mind would just wander and she would just give anything to touch her again, before she came to and gave herself a severe kick in the pants. Of course it didn’t help, seeing ‘Sixes’ everywhere. Even when she was alone, Helena’s mind would play tricks on her, she would see incarnations of Gina. Walking around her apartment in her undergarments, conversing with Helena, consoling Helena and even berating her. Reminding her, of not only what she’d lost but what she’d done too.

The best times though were at night, when she was lonely and desperate. She knew seeing Gina was a coping mechanism but sometimes she wondered if she was her conscience too. Helena hadn’t forgotten the betrayal though, it ran deep, stinging & twisting in her gut and she just knew Caprica was waiting for the right moment to seek revenge. How she knew was another matter. Maybe they were all linked, all the same models, linked together to upload information to each other, although she thought that this had been disproved. However she knew, Caprica was a threat as were all the Sixes and they had to be treated as such.

Later after being dragged out by D’anna for a ‘walk’ and yet another lecture about ‘God’s Plan,’ she was getting changed to go for another run. Same routine again, after a shift, she would work out to relieve the tensions of the day. Routine meant purpose and purpose mean everything. She was just pulling on her running shoes. When a loud bang on the door startled her.

“Frak me,” she cursed aloud, opening the door.

“No thanks, you’re not my type,” Caprica stated coldly as she locked eyes with Cain, taking in her shocked expression with pleasure. Helena was fighting for a quick response but her wit had evaporated the moment Caprica stepped over her threshold.

“Something wrong, Admiral?” Caprica said with an emphasis on her rank & a smirk on
her face.

“What do you want?” Helena said bluntly

“Hmmm… What do I want? How about a quick frak in your quarters? Yeah, you’re good at that or even better why don’t you try your hand at giving me a good beating, see how far you get?”

Helena blinked rapidly, feigning Caprica’s question. She then moved towards the centre of the room, placing the large dining table between herself and Caprica.

“They told me, that you don’t condone violence.”

Caprica gave a short snort of indignation.
“No but you do, isn’t that right Admiral?”

“I am the Admiral of the Colonial Fleet, it comes with the job.” Helena stated not taking her eyes off the other woman. Caprica laughed again.

“You were the Admiral of the Colonial Fleet before the one called Gina killed you and you downloaded.”

“No! When I get off this frakkin’ rock, I will still be Admiral!”

Caprica laughed again, clearly enjoying the mind games she was inflicting.

“What I can’t quite make out, is why your mission to kill Adama failed & why you inflicted so much brutality on one of your own.”

Helena’s eyes narrowed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, there never was any woman named Gina & I never planned to kill Commander Adama. That would be in violation of the Colonial Fleet law & is punishable by death, not to mention incite a probable mutiny” Helena lied, struggling to maintain her cool. How did she know? She held Caprica’s stance.

“Come now Admiral, whilst you’re a very good liar, you can’t fool me because I know the truth. I know you were frakking Gina, months before she was discovered. She fell in love with you, as you did her then when her programming kicked in & she let those centurions on board. You felt so bitterly betrayed, you locked her up in your brig, starved her & let your men rape & beat her when she wouldn‘t give you any usefully information. And lets not forget that she never stopped loving you, despite all you did to her, she still loves you, even now.”  Caprica’s voice had risen several octaves in anger and she slammed her hands down suddenly on the table causing Helena to jump involuntarily.

“No!” Helena shouted, struggling to maintain her composure, all her Fleet training was screaming at her to get out of there before Caprica did what she came to do but she was rooted to the spot.
“You’ve got it all wrong, you can’t know this, you can’t know any of this, its just not possible.” Helena said weakly, shaking slightly at the sudden intrusion of memories.

“Oh but I do, I know more than you can conceive” Caprica seethed

“How? Is she feeding information to you?”

“Of course not, you know it doesn’t work like that.” Caprica snorted

“Then how?” Helena bit back suddenly finding the courage she was lacking.

“I have my ways & a little man in my head told me.” she quipped sardonically.

The joke was lost on Helena, maybe if she had elaborated she would have understood but telling Helena about Gaius wasn’t part of the plan. Little did she know that Helena had her own equivalent wandering around her vacant brain at night.

“Stop playing games & tell me what you want!”

“What I want is some justice, for you to pay for what you did. But seeing as I can’t kill you, because you will only download again, I will just have to settle in playing with you for a while.” She eyed Helena as a cat would eye a mouse and a smile spread across her face.

“Do I remind you of her Admiral?” Caprica said smoothly, moving around the table, Helena inched backward slightly.
“Do you remember what she felt like Helena? What she tasted like?”

It sounded strange hearing her name, no one had called her that in quite sometime, since Gina in fact but then of course she knew that. Caprica moved forward pinning Cain between the wall behind her and the table.

“Do you remember, how she used to work the kinks out of your back, Helena? How light her fingers were on your skin, sending shivers down your spine.” She raised a forefinger and traced it along Helena’s hair line, across her cheekbone and along her full lips. She let her hand drop down Helena’s neck and across her collar bone, her forearm brushing Helena’s breast. Caprica felt Helena’s nipple harden in response to her touch and smile seductively. She listened to her breathing, as it quickened at her touch.

“Do you remember Helena how wet she used to make you? How she knew just the right ways to please you?”

“Enough!” Cain shouted, batting Caprica’s hand away from her. She raised her right arm and swung, hitting Caprica clean across the jaw.

Caprica staggered back and Cain slipped past her but Caprica caught her ankle, causing her to fall to the ground. She then grabbed a handful of Helena’s brown hair and dragged her into a standing position.

“I wasn’t done with you just yet, Admiral” Caprica smirked

“Well I was!” Cain said as she punched Caprica clean on the nose.

Caprica staggered back again before retaliating with a punch of her own. This wasn’t how it was meant to go, she was enjoying playing with Helena but the Admiral obviously didn’t know the rules, so she was going to have to teach her.  She pulled a gun from the waist band of her pants and hit Helena across the face with it, her nose gushed with blood and she fell back onto the sofa. Caprica pointed the gun between Helena’s eyes.

De ja vu played out in Cain’s mind, reliving those last moments with Gina. Cain closed her eyes, this time she didn’t want to see it coming.

“Time to find out if you’re really a Cylon, Helena… Say good night Admiral” Caprica mimicked Gina’s final words before pulling the trigger, suddenly the colour faded and the lights went out…

****

Part Three

This time in the space between life & death, Cain’s empty eyes stared at her, like she could see her consciousness and was willing it back into her corpse. She watched Caprica kick her dead body and then leave but she didn’t feel anything, no guilt, no pain, no anger she just felt free. Vaguely she remember the feeling but this time though she wanted it to last… Stay like this forever, move on and not look back.

Suddenly something was pulling her, pulling her back and she began to fall. With a gasp, she surfaced from the viscous substance; memories bombarding her consciousness. Her eyelids fluttering open.

“Its alright, Helena. You’re back, you’re safe now.”

Cain looked sharply at D’anna, then around her expecting to see someone else. Before there had been more than just D’anna. But all she saw were incarnations of Three.

“Its ok, Helena; Caprica isn’t here,” she soothed as if reading Cain’s mind.


“I… I… She killed me” Helena stuttered finally, her voice was horse & she coughed to clear the fluid from her lungs.

“You & Caprica have been segregated. She’s acting all high & mighty with that frakking Eight. Like the annihilation of the human race was a frakking mistake or something. What’s more they’re actually listening to them!” D’anna ranted whilst Helena just looked bemused. She sat up in the tub, smoothing her hair back from her face, thinking.

“Eight? I downloaded? An Eight? Why didn’t I die?” Helena steadied her shaky body, resting her hand on the side of the tub.

“Yes an Eight, the one called Sharon Valeri…”

“Sharon? I’m a Cylon? If I‘m a Cylon…” Helena swallowed hard, still confused.

“Come on… You’re not still going on about that, are you? How many times do you need to download before you will accept this, do I have to kill you myself & watch you download again?”

“Where are the others?” Cain said as D’anna helped her from the tub & into that familiar bathrobe.

“What others? What the Sixes & Eights or someone else?”

“No… The others like me, the incarnations of me?”

“Oh… Well what makes you think I would know such a thing? I’m just a Three after all” Helena frowned at her but let the subject drop, maybe someone else would know…

“Well I have to leave you now, you’ll be ok won’t you? We have another download coming & I have to be there”

“Who is it?” Helena asked, curiously

“I’m just another Three remember?” D’anna smiled, but Helena thought she knew more than she was letting on.

“Oh as you’re just another Three I don’t suppose you know when I can go back down to Caprica?”

D’anna laughed
“Well that one I can answer, you won’t be going back to Caprica because we’re leaving”

“What? Why?”

“Because of Caprica & that frakkin’ Eight, Sharon. Now I have to go” And she left leaving Helena feeling perplexed. 

Later Helena was pacing her room, she had so many questions buzzing around in her brain and no one would answer them. She hated being aboard the ship, she couldn’t see the sky; she needed to see the sky. At least the Pegasus had windows. She sat down on the floor and closed her eyes, her back resting on the wall behind her. When she opened them, she jumped, startled for a moment. She was looking out onto a great lake, the tree line horizon stretching out before her and the sky, like an upturned basin of golden yellow and orange that streaked through the wispy white clouds. She felt the warmth of the wood, underneath her from the deck where she was now sat, cross-legged. She could even hear the birds, in the trees around her. Her mouth agape in astonishment, she smiled at the scene before her, unaware of the approaching footsteps.

“Helena?” D’anna said startling her out of her reverie.

“D’anna! How did I get here, this place…” She looked up at D’anna, her smile dropping from her face when she saw the expression D’anna held…

“What are you talking about, we’re still on the ship where we were an hour ago” D’anna said an edge of annoyance in her voice.

“No, no don’t you see it? It’s beautiful, there’s a lake & trees & a beautiful sunset, the birds are singing & you’re stood right next to me. Why can’t you see it?”

“You’re projecting Helena, like all Cylons can. I just chose to see something different… Now I need to talk to you about something.” Her voice was on edge, as Helena just gazed, awe stricken into space.

“Helena? Did you hear me? I said I needed to talk to you about something…” She said, annoyed again as she nudged Helena out of her trance like state.

“What?” Helena complained, glaring at D’anna; now annoyed herself.

“Why didn’t you see fit to explain the full extent of what happened with the one named Gina?” She didn’t mince her words and her expression was something Helena couldn’t fathom.

She rose from her sitting position & walked over the edge of the deck, breathing in the fresh scent of pine.

“Whatever Caprica told you, I would think you would want to get your facts straight before coming in here guns a blazing, accusing me of something you know nothing about” Helena stated surprisingly calmly, her hands crossed behind her back in that familiar stance that had become second nature. She felt more like her old self and that felt good. A boost in confidence that she so desperately needed.

“What does this have to do with Caprica?”

Helena turned towards D’anna a quizzical expression lingering on her brow.  She shrugged dismissively then said.
“She’d been poking around, asking questions as to why my mission failed, that’s all”

D’anna frowned at her, not entirely sure if she believed the woman who stood in front of her. Before D’anna had a chance to ask anymore questions, Cain cut in.

“If it wasn’t Caprica sniffing about again, then why the sudden interest?”

“Well… I guess it doesn’t matter now, you’re going to find out sooner or later, especially when she comes looking for you…” Helena had turned back, facing the lake; she closed her eyes, listening to the birds singing, as the sun slowly began to sink behind the mountains. She felt so relaxed, so calm that she wasn’t ready for the sudden blow that followed…


“The Six, you named Gina, downloaded thirty minutes ago, strange how you both downloaded within half an hour of each other. Helena? Did you hear me?”

Suddenly Helena’s vision faded, the walls closed in on her. The upturned basin sky, shrinking back to the grey ceiling of her room. She staggered backward, reaching for the wall to steady herself. Her breath catching in her throat & her newly acquired confidence, evaporating with the clouds in her vision.

“Helena?” D’anna said again but Cain couldn’t speak, her voice failing as she squeaked

“Gina? Are you…” Her voice trailed off & D’anna nodded soberly & helped her to the bed. The close proximity between them made Helena feel slightly uncomfortable. How could this be possible? Her breathe came in raspy gasps, as she tried to focus her confidence & project it outwards.

“D’anna? You can’t tell her I’m here, you have to give me your word. I can’t see her… Not yet… Not now…” Her voice trailed off again, looking down at her hands; as D’anna continued to frown at her.
“Not again… D’anna?”

It was then she looked up, looked into D’anna’s eyes and it was then she knew. D’anna knew everything and there was no escape from that, she swallowed hard, swallowing down the last of her emotion as she stood up, moving as far away from D’anna as possible. It was then D’anna spoke…

“I’m not here to judge, Helena. I of all people know what the Sixes are like, however I can’t promise you that she won’t come and how you expect me to stop her… Well I don’t think I can.”

“Then you have to help me, you have to give me a weapon, something to defend myself with… She’s going to come, I know Gina. She killed me once, I’ll be damned if I will let her do it again.”

“No weapons, we don’t work like that Helena. This isn’t the Colonial Fleet, we don’t go around shooting our own kind”

“Then how the frak am I supposed to defend myself? Fight to the death? Or just let one of those Centurions murder me for her?”

“You’re letting your human experiences overcome you, are you forgetting who you are Helena? You’re not human, you’re Cylon, you can’t die!”

“So frakking what? Am I just supposed to keep letting her murder me just so I can download & then die by her hands again? Caught in a vicious cycle, until the end of time? Is that my punishment D’anna?”

“What are you truly afraid of here Helena?”

“I’m not afraid of anything!” Cain scoffed, a hint of the old Helena returning…

“Dying? Or that feeling that you’re running from? That feeling that overwhelmed you, that flooded your being, consuming you so completely that you can’t think of anything else.”

Helena laughed, she couldn’t help but laugh & when she stopped, D’anna merely smiled back at her knowing, she stood up & walked towards the open door.
“Where are you going?” Helena said crossly, her humour vanishing.
“You don’t understand…” Cain exclaimed hotly.

“I understand perfectly Helena, this is your problem. You did those things to Gina, one of your own. Granted you didn’t know, but you do now… We all have to face our demons, ask God’s forgiveness & you may be granted a reprieve… Now I have to go, Caprica’s not just causing problems for you, you know?”

****