You have implied that you cut or have cut, but you never say where or how it made you feel or why you did it…

Well this is a question that is uncomfortable to answer… Yes I have implied that and yes I have self harm-ed in the past. I always did it in the same place because I have enough scars on my body and I didn’t want any more. I always wear a watch so I used to cut on the inside of my wrist where the watch face would be. Yes there is a scar there. I did this at several times in my life… During school, until my mum found out and hid all sharp objects…

And later during late 2005 until Sonia made me stop and again during 2006 at various times and then again earlier this year in January/February time when things were worst. It was never a constant thing, I was always aware that doing it was wrong but there were times when a) I didn’t care or b) I just needed the relief… And that is how it made me feel. Emotional pain would build up to such a point where I felt like I was going to burst and the only thing that would relieve that; was cutting myself, causing physical pain, even if it was a for a second it was relief enough…

As the blood spilled so did the emotional pain. Sometime it would replace crying… It was another way to cope, albeit the wrong way but you don’t think about that at the time… The shite that was causing it is now out of my life… And while there are times when I desperately want to do it, I won’t deny that there aren’t; I have enough self control not to… I hope this answers the question…

Other than those horrible people you lived with, was there someone else who made you uncomfortable?

Oh sure, several people…

81-83

My cousin Ian, I think was the first… I am not sure entirely what happened but his mum and dad used to look after me between the ages of one and three and something happened and I wouldn’t go back… My mum blames him… He was 14 yrs older than me...

87-92

The daughter of the bitch from hell… She was manipulated and made up things that would get me into trouble. I will admit, she was the first girl I kissed and later I did crush on her… Hey I was a screwed up kid…

Several people at the church, we all HAD to attend… They did things to my mum, against her will whilst friends of ours, who my mother had known since she was pregnant with me, stood around and watched or held me back when I tried to help her.

94-96

Several teachers during secondary school, most prominently was Mr Townshend. Who humiliated me several times in front of other students and believed malicious rumours about me and him that someone else had started, knowing full well what was going on with the person who started them. He then reported me to my head of year and I got into trouble for it. He made me feel generally uncomfortable. I couldn’t function around him and dropped his class but I still had to attend lessons to do other work. They wouldn’t just let me go to the library…

The girl at school who bullied me constantly for the entire time I was there…

My cousin Aimee who threatened to kill me because her boyfriend hit on me… And let me tell you she was not joking… She was a gang member and carried a knife and was well known in the neighbourhood for getting into fights.

97-99

Jane... For obvious reasons...

A college lecturer, who was so obviously gay that I don't know why I didn't pick up on it back them... She was also into humiliation, but because I worked hard and kept my head down, I wasn't often targeted. She used to pick on one of the other lecturers, that I had a crush on... And do it in front of students too...

A guy who worked in the kitchen at the pub and who I went out with as friends, touched me inappropriately whilst at the movies, then cos I didn't tell my boss she allowed him into the hotel room they were staying in. I think because the kids were sleeping in the same room, nothing happened but it was pretty uncomfortable!

2003-2005

A 'friend' named Jackie, who I also babysat for, broke my trust several times, resulting in unpleasentness with my mother...

Someone, I won't name but who I worked with and also had a crush on...

Several people at the unemployment office, were repeat offenders...

Someone else I worked with who generally made me feel uncomfortable...

2006-2007

First woman I worked for last summer in Knightsbridge > re: nanny horror stories...

Mama Al-kharafi, Arab job last summer > re: nanny horror stories...

Andrea Walker at times when I was still there and then after I left...

Sonia, for obvious reasons...

Amanda T's incompetent body guard from Gabit...

Charlotte in later months, when she was ignoring me... Or occasionally when her tone was off...

The drunk man who was bothering me on the bus home yday and who said he would come and find me in Forest Hill... *shudders*

Woah! Did I really remember all those people?